I'm from the old school when you wrote to your favorite rapper's fan club wishing they'd send a personalized, autographed picture to post on your wall. A real wall with tape! I only got one picture of LL Cool J that wasn't autographed and I had to hide because I didn't want my parents to know that I was drooling over a half-naked man with a gold rope and Kangol hat.
But I'm not that old, I have a twitter account-two actually! One for my professional, academic life that shares articles and headlines that most people find boring and the other to follow people like Chris Rock, Common, various reality show stars (Draya, Jennifer Williams) and Rihanna (@badgalriri). Now I probably don't fall under typical Rihanna Navy fanbase as I haven't "followed" her on twitter since she started out in 2005. I can't even be sure which account she tweets from...there's one with 9K followers and one with 28M (can you guess which one?). I am however a fan of her music. Every version of my iPod, iPhone, iPod touch has several of her albums and singles. Dat gal cyan sing!!! And what I like about her is her attitude: seemingly carefree, often guarded, fun and serious about her paper! I watched her on Oprah with her mom, I've heard her anger and heartbreak through her songs and I've seen her give the media the middle finger...this girl is real! Even my 62 year old mom loves her. Is it her island roots? (We're Haitian but close enough!) How many pop stars come from island nations and crossover to gain notoriety worldwide? The last I checked, it was Bob Marley and I dare you to find someone else.
One of the other reasons why I admire her authenticity...this will sustain her through all the bullshit that most celebrities go through. She seems to have a solid circle of friends to fall back on and she has a home base that she can rejuvenate and be private. She's relatable. I may not have her money, her talent but her songs make me feel like she understands what it's like to be a "good girl gone bad". We all have that side of us and it's fun to watch someone express it the way she does.
So why do I write all this? I decided to follow her because I read one of the best articles about a fan who met Rihanna after her Chicago concert. It confirmed what I thought all along...she's beautiful, inside and out.
Now if I can only get her to come to Boston... :)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Friday, February 25, 2011
Our people need to step our movie game up...
...directing that is. You mean to tell me of all the films that were released in 2010, not one of them featured an Oscar worthy story line, director or actor? Is that a reflection of our population in this country, that being only 12% of the population. Are we counting only those who are upstanding, responsible members of society because by my observation, I think we have much more than that!
Seriously, I've watched most of the films nominated for an Oscar including "The Fighter" with Wahlberg & Christian Bale and between that film and "Black Swan", I think the realism portrayed in the boxer movie was much more relevant and worthy of something. However, if Don Cheadle played a drug addicted, former star athlete brother to a maladjusted nobody from a industrial neighborhood like say, West Oakland would it garner that much attention from the Academy? (F*in politics...)
And Mr. Tyler Perry with his million dollar, having all the jobs as director, actor and producer in most of his productions couldn't even be mentioned for even trying to portray a movie about the struggles of Black Women? Oh, that's right, since it was "For Colored Girls", the rest of the population, including the Academy didn't see it. "Fried Green Tomatoes" dealt with some abusive themes and it was nominated. (F*in politics)
So I ask, where are the Spike Lees, the Lee Daniels, the John Singletons and the Van Peebles of the world (as long as he doesn't do another Boyz in the Hood) of the 12% population of Black directors? I'm sure one of us can produce something Oscar worthy and relevant to us and the rest of the world.
But will we care?
Seriously, I've watched most of the films nominated for an Oscar including "The Fighter" with Wahlberg & Christian Bale and between that film and "Black Swan", I think the realism portrayed in the boxer movie was much more relevant and worthy of something. However, if Don Cheadle played a drug addicted, former star athlete brother to a maladjusted nobody from a industrial neighborhood like say, West Oakland would it garner that much attention from the Academy? (F*in politics...)
And Mr. Tyler Perry with his million dollar, having all the jobs as director, actor and producer in most of his productions couldn't even be mentioned for even trying to portray a movie about the struggles of Black Women? Oh, that's right, since it was "For Colored Girls", the rest of the population, including the Academy didn't see it. "Fried Green Tomatoes" dealt with some abusive themes and it was nominated. (F*in politics)
So I ask, where are the Spike Lees, the Lee Daniels, the John Singletons and the Van Peebles of the world (as long as he doesn't do another Boyz in the Hood) of the 12% population of Black directors? I'm sure one of us can produce something Oscar worthy and relevant to us and the rest of the world.
But will we care?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Why can't we be like France? Should I be an expatriate?
I am sure I'm not the first to say how disgusted I am by the way certain functions in America work, in particular capitalism. I was actually upset after watching Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story" that I was teary eyed going to bed. This morning I woke up with such an anger at how some of us have resigned ourselves to self imposed slavery. Some of us wake up every morning with the same routines of getting dressed, commuting, drinking coffee and working at a desk or hospital until one of our extremities give up and force us to take stock of our lives.
We've become robots to this machine. Again, I'm not stating anything new but it's disheartening to realize that in some places, like Paris (pronounced pah-ree) people are fed up and are doing something about it. "Non! Monsieur Sarkozy, you will not raise the retirement age to 62 and this is what will happen if you do!" Six days of protests, union workers, students and people of all ages have taken to the streets to denounce his decision. And this is about retirement! http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/20/world/europe/20france.html
Friday, September 10, 2010
Open Letter to Sports Fans
By the time I went to bed last night, numerous news stations were broadcasting the Tom Brady contract extension of $72 million to be paid over 4 yars making him the highest paid NFL player in the league. When will it be enough?
I'd venture to say that about 90% of the paying fanbase will never see that amount of money in their lifetime. The EMTs and medics that came to his rescue when he crashed his vehicle yesterday in the Back Bay will definitely never see that amount of money even though they save lives. They earn about an average of $43,000 annually. What about the teachers who taught Brady over the course of his life in San Mateo, California and later in Michigan? Teachers who influence young lives never see that amount of money in their careers either.
I think we should change the way we view entertainers and athletes. Fans are the only reason that keep these people in business and yet we've allowed them to eclipse even the true role models people look up to because of talent. There are those that don't even have real talent but yet enjoy multimillion dollar salaries--look at the top ten artists on the Billboard charts.
And is it cheap to see attend an MLB, NFL, NBA or pop concert? No way! Most NE Patriot games start at $100-$1000 per ticket. So this is what fans should do...say something! Perhaps ask your favorite athlete to forgo part of his salary and donate it to a local public school, university, community center. All those kids walking around in Michael Jordan basketball shoes and #12 Jerseys need that money a lot more than they do!
I'd venture to say that about 90% of the paying fanbase will never see that amount of money in their lifetime. The EMTs and medics that came to his rescue when he crashed his vehicle yesterday in the Back Bay will definitely never see that amount of money even though they save lives. They earn about an average of $43,000 annually. What about the teachers who taught Brady over the course of his life in San Mateo, California and later in Michigan? Teachers who influence young lives never see that amount of money in their careers either.
I think we should change the way we view entertainers and athletes. Fans are the only reason that keep these people in business and yet we've allowed them to eclipse even the true role models people look up to because of talent. There are those that don't even have real talent but yet enjoy multimillion dollar salaries--look at the top ten artists on the Billboard charts.
And is it cheap to see attend an MLB, NFL, NBA or pop concert? No way! Most NE Patriot games start at $100-$1000 per ticket. So this is what fans should do...say something! Perhaps ask your favorite athlete to forgo part of his salary and donate it to a local public school, university, community center. All those kids walking around in Michael Jordan basketball shoes and #12 Jerseys need that money a lot more than they do!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Haiti + Wyclef=Progress?
It was announced that Wyclef Jean, hip hop musician extraordinaire has decided to declare his intent to run for President of the Republique d'Haiti. In my humble opinion, this may not be a good idea. Here are three reasons:
1. Inexperience
I know, I know. That was the first thing out of everyone's mouth when Obama as a freshman senator decided (with help, of course) that he would run for President of the United States. Here's the thing; How long has Mr. Jean resided in Haiti to understand the nature of politics that has placed a virtual blockade of progress for most of Haiti's years of independence. Dictatorships, self-appointed leaders, army generals have all had a run of the country and she has suffered because of this.
2. U.S Support
Most people (in my circle) know for a fact that the United States was behind the "kidnapping" of President Jean Bertrand Aristide. The party, Famni Lavalas was not playing by the rules the U.S put forth when they agreed to place him in power. One must wonder why a leader chosen by the people would be forced to vacate his presidency and turn it over to someone chosen by another government.
3. Safety
Are we sure that he and his family will be safe from those who will undoubtedly threaten his well being while he attempts to transform the country. I believe that there are people unwilling to allow Haiti to flourish as it should. Those with economic interests has so far made it more than difficult for aid to be distributed fairly and safely. Will Jean be successful in changing this?
Even before the devastation caused by the earthquake, it was heartbreaking to hear of family members suffering because of lack of resources and opportunities to prosper in a country so full of promise and hope. My parents and other family members often talk about what would happen if someone became president, what would that person be like. Should he or she be American born? Educated internationally? The candidate should of course be of the people, supported by the people. Never in a million years did they think a musician would be a likely candidate. Let's look beyond the hype.
1. Inexperience
I know, I know. That was the first thing out of everyone's mouth when Obama as a freshman senator decided (with help, of course) that he would run for President of the United States. Here's the thing; How long has Mr. Jean resided in Haiti to understand the nature of politics that has placed a virtual blockade of progress for most of Haiti's years of independence. Dictatorships, self-appointed leaders, army generals have all had a run of the country and she has suffered because of this.
2. U.S Support
Most people (in my circle) know for a fact that the United States was behind the "kidnapping" of President Jean Bertrand Aristide. The party, Famni Lavalas was not playing by the rules the U.S put forth when they agreed to place him in power. One must wonder why a leader chosen by the people would be forced to vacate his presidency and turn it over to someone chosen by another government.
3. Safety
Are we sure that he and his family will be safe from those who will undoubtedly threaten his well being while he attempts to transform the country. I believe that there are people unwilling to allow Haiti to flourish as it should. Those with economic interests has so far made it more than difficult for aid to be distributed fairly and safely. Will Jean be successful in changing this?
Even before the devastation caused by the earthquake, it was heartbreaking to hear of family members suffering because of lack of resources and opportunities to prosper in a country so full of promise and hope. My parents and other family members often talk about what would happen if someone became president, what would that person be like. Should he or she be American born? Educated internationally? The candidate should of course be of the people, supported by the people. Never in a million years did they think a musician would be a likely candidate. Let's look beyond the hype.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Beware of experts
http://together-apart.com/
These so called "experts" are everywhere...
I've had 13 hour debate on facebook on simply this, people dub themselves or are proclaimed experts in a wide variety of subjects. But my number one pet peeve are relationship experts. From the clip in the website above, am I supposed to rely on a team of experts ranging from "celebrity groomers" and "Joe Trainer" to analyze and provide guidance on relationships. Reminds me of Mr. Steve Harvey...Do we know their relationship status? How many relationships did you have to go through before you finally got it right? Should you be dubbed a dating expert?
Where is the evidence that these people are worth the time listening to, like many of the talking heads on TV. Just because they get face time, where is the connection between what they are promoting and what they are living? We live in a world where everyone looks to others for some sort of guidance but if you're claiming you're an expert than I want to see how you got there. Yes we can learn from all---I'm sure the divorcee that is giving marital advice is dishing out stuff she learned along the way. But to me, I liken that to fitness gurus who model the latest diet or exercise fad and have never had more than 10% body fat in their lives but swear they're the best because all the skinny models stay skinny! I wanna see a 250lbs woman on TV and her healthy progression of weight lost! But I digress...we need to be looking toward our families, close friends, community and especially elders on advice that we can use.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Blueberries...the bougie fruit
I am annoyed...
Apparently all the fruits and veggies known as "superfoods" are now dangerous to eat because of the massive amounts of pesticides sprayed on them. Blueberries, strawberries, cherries, celery are foods that have thin membranes and therefore absorb chemical treatments used to deter pests. Unfortunately, we are ingesting them daily because people have been told that they provide antioxidants and other organic chemicals to fight infections.
Has anyone seen the price of these superfoods? Shopping at Whole Foods, the prices are no surprise because they are supporting local farms (supposedly). Places like Shaw's, Stop & Shop or in the West Coast, Safeway--berry fruits cost up to $4.99 a pound! But the real issue is that now we're supposed to buy strictly "organic" fruits that have been grown in pesticide-free, conventionally grown environments.
So, now fruits have gone bourgeois. Buying organic isn't just about eating healthy foods, it also demonstrates your social status. I don't see local bodegas rushing to sell organic fruits and frankly, most low-middle income can't afford to buy a pound of bing cherries for $7.99 let alone those who subsist on government aid. Are organic fruits and veggies being distributed in food pantries? I doubt it. This is just another way to classify poverty, nutritionally.
If the government had any real power, this war on poverty and obesity would have an effect on this organic vs. regular foods and start changing the way people eat, poor or not! Why would a single mom with 3 kids buy a box of Kashi cereal for $4.59 when Fruity Pebbles cost $2.50? It's not because she doesn't know about good food, she's worried about having more money in her pocket!
Ughhh!
Apparently all the fruits and veggies known as "superfoods" are now dangerous to eat because of the massive amounts of pesticides sprayed on them. Blueberries, strawberries, cherries, celery are foods that have thin membranes and therefore absorb chemical treatments used to deter pests. Unfortunately, we are ingesting them daily because people have been told that they provide antioxidants and other organic chemicals to fight infections.
Has anyone seen the price of these superfoods? Shopping at Whole Foods, the prices are no surprise because they are supporting local farms (supposedly). Places like Shaw's, Stop & Shop or in the West Coast, Safeway--berry fruits cost up to $4.99 a pound! But the real issue is that now we're supposed to buy strictly "organic" fruits that have been grown in pesticide-free, conventionally grown environments.
So, now fruits have gone bourgeois. Buying organic isn't just about eating healthy foods, it also demonstrates your social status. I don't see local bodegas rushing to sell organic fruits and frankly, most low-middle income can't afford to buy a pound of bing cherries for $7.99 let alone those who subsist on government aid. Are organic fruits and veggies being distributed in food pantries? I doubt it. This is just another way to classify poverty, nutritionally.
If the government had any real power, this war on poverty and obesity would have an effect on this organic vs. regular foods and start changing the way people eat, poor or not! Why would a single mom with 3 kids buy a box of Kashi cereal for $4.59 when Fruity Pebbles cost $2.50? It's not because she doesn't know about good food, she's worried about having more money in her pocket!
Ughhh!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
What's the fascination with relating Barack with his European decendants?
Obama and Brown are distant cousins, Boston researchers say - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe
Obama and Brown are distant cousins, Boston researchers say - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe
Ever since the man decided he was going to be president of this country, newspapers have been publishing these (in my opinion) wacky genealogical connections between his family and former presidents. For example, this morning's article from the Boston Globe stated that Obama, has links to seven presidents, including that _____, George W. Bush. I mean really, it's that important to show America that yes, we have a Black president but the truth is, he's more related to us than you think!
I can take these reports so many ways, but I think there are some racial undertones to the continuing research into Mr. Obama's family history by the New England Historic Genealogical Society. I haven't heard them linking Dubya to anyone else in history. No one's doing Ronald Reagan's genealogy to verify his family blood lines. Could it be that everyone else (meaning "Whites") are taken at face value while people of color need to be researched to find out their *gasp* fascinating linkage to white America?
We have always been related to each other, no matter how much we are disliked, feared or misunderstood. "People's History of the United States, by Howard Zinn should be required read for all.
This country NEVER ceases to amaze me.
Obama and Brown are distant cousins, Boston researchers say - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe
Ever since the man decided he was going to be president of this country, newspapers have been publishing these (in my opinion) wacky genealogical connections between his family and former presidents. For example, this morning's article from the Boston Globe stated that Obama, has links to seven presidents, including that _____, George W. Bush. I mean really, it's that important to show America that yes, we have a Black president but the truth is, he's more related to us than you think!
I can take these reports so many ways, but I think there are some racial undertones to the continuing research into Mr. Obama's family history by the New England Historic Genealogical Society. I haven't heard them linking Dubya to anyone else in history. No one's doing Ronald Reagan's genealogy to verify his family blood lines. Could it be that everyone else (meaning "Whites") are taken at face value while people of color need to be researched to find out their *gasp* fascinating linkage to white America?
We have always been related to each other, no matter how much we are disliked, feared or misunderstood. "People's History of the United States, by Howard Zinn should be required read for all.
This country NEVER ceases to amaze me.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The Help That Haiti Needs...
Blog from the NY Times 1/14/2010:
http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/
My response:
The help that Haiti needs isn't the kind that bashes the populace for the decisions of their government. Reading some of these comments remind me of situations where people often blame the victim because they have no one else to blame. Not everyone in Haiti was destined for poverty. My response is heartfelt because I still have family there who has struggled everyday in every which way creatively to survive on that island. My parents who luckily left before Baby Doc came to power found their way to NYC just like any other immigrant and managed to attend & graduate college, buy homes and raise a family. What they remember about Haiti is not always mentioned in news reports about the poverty of Haiti. They remember a land that was properous, a booming tourist island, every child attended school paid for by the government and relative calm. No some did not have running water or modern latrines, but they were proud people. My grandparents owned tobacco fields for decades before they were burned for deforestation.
The media oftens fails to describe the other part of the island where Europeans (and some Americans including foreign diplomats) summer during holidays. Some people are not so fortunate to have this including those that live there. "Experts" love to discuss how the Haitian government is mismanaged and corrupt, as if we have a clean history with the island!
Today Haiti is a severely indebted country whose debt to export ratio is nearly 300 percent, far above what is considered sustainable even by the International Monetary Fund and World Bank. Both institutions are dominated by the U.S. In 1980 Haiti's debt was $302 million. Since then it has more than tripled to $1.1 billion, approximately 40 percent of the nation's gross national product. Last year Haiti paid more in debt service than it did on medical services for the people. Haitian officials say nearly 80 percent of the current debt was accumulated by the regimes of Francois and Jean-Claude Duvalier, Doc and Baby Doc.
It is now well known that the primary source of Haiti's chronic impoverishment is the reparations it was forced to pay to the former plantation owners who left following the 1804 revolution. Some of the white descendants of the former plantation owners, who now live in New Orleans, still have the indemnity coupons issued by France. So in fact, at least part of the reparations paid by Haiti went toward the development of the United States.
These indemnity payments caused continual financial emergencies and political upheavals. In a 51-year period, Haiti had 16 different presidents - new presidents often coming to power at the head of a rebel army.Nevertheless, Haiti always made the indemnity payments - and, following those, the bank loan payments - on time. The 1915 intervention by the Marines on behalf of U.S. financial interests changed all of that, however.
By the time Duvalier grabbed the presidency of the world's first Black republic established by formerly enslaved peoples, Haiti had experienced more than 150 years of chronic impoverishment and discriminatory lending policies by the world's leading financial institutions and powers. The economic forecast for Haiti has not improved, even with the democratic election of Jean Bertrand Aristide, since he has been consistently demonized in the U.S. and world press.
But enough of the history lesson. I agree with #25-CDOYLE...
1. Offer Haiti grants NOT Loans.
2. Eliminate the debate. How much longer should France benefit from the money this poor country sends.
3. Lift the trade embargo. Haiti must be able to sell their items in a free market system once they have provided for themselves.
4. Foreign companies must pay taxes to the country. It happens in America...a business must invest in the community it works in. Why not the same policies for Haiti?
5. Have a leader that has real power to provide a FUNCTION government. Haiti does not need another figure head.
6. Solar power IS the way to go, stop the deforestation.
We need to allow the country to rebuild itself with international assistance in order to see the true beauty Haiti once had.
http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/
My response:
The help that Haiti needs isn't the kind that bashes the populace for the decisions of their government. Reading some of these comments remind me of situations where people often blame the victim because they have no one else to blame. Not everyone in Haiti was destined for poverty. My response is heartfelt because I still have family there who has struggled everyday in every which way creatively to survive on that island. My parents who luckily left before Baby Doc came to power found their way to NYC just like any other immigrant and managed to attend & graduate college, buy homes and raise a family. What they remember about Haiti is not always mentioned in news reports about the poverty of Haiti. They remember a land that was properous, a booming tourist island, every child attended school paid for by the government and relative calm. No some did not have running water or modern latrines, but they were proud people. My grandparents owned tobacco fields for decades before they were burned for deforestation.
The media oftens fails to describe the other part of the island where Europeans (and some Americans including foreign diplomats) summer during holidays. Some people are not so fortunate to have this including those that live there. "Experts" love to discuss how the Haitian government is mismanaged and corrupt, as if we have a clean history with the island!
Today Haiti is a severely indebted country whose debt to export ratio is nearly 300 percent, far above what is considered sustainable even by the International Monetary Fund and World Bank. Both institutions are dominated by the U.S. In 1980 Haiti's debt was $302 million. Since then it has more than tripled to $1.1 billion, approximately 40 percent of the nation's gross national product. Last year Haiti paid more in debt service than it did on medical services for the people. Haitian officials say nearly 80 percent of the current debt was accumulated by the regimes of Francois and Jean-Claude Duvalier, Doc and Baby Doc.
It is now well known that the primary source of Haiti's chronic impoverishment is the reparations it was forced to pay to the former plantation owners who left following the 1804 revolution. Some of the white descendants of the former plantation owners, who now live in New Orleans, still have the indemnity coupons issued by France. So in fact, at least part of the reparations paid by Haiti went toward the development of the United States.
These indemnity payments caused continual financial emergencies and political upheavals. In a 51-year period, Haiti had 16 different presidents - new presidents often coming to power at the head of a rebel army.Nevertheless, Haiti always made the indemnity payments - and, following those, the bank loan payments - on time. The 1915 intervention by the Marines on behalf of U.S. financial interests changed all of that, however.
By the time Duvalier grabbed the presidency of the world's first Black republic established by formerly enslaved peoples, Haiti had experienced more than 150 years of chronic impoverishment and discriminatory lending policies by the world's leading financial institutions and powers. The economic forecast for Haiti has not improved, even with the democratic election of Jean Bertrand Aristide, since he has been consistently demonized in the U.S. and world press.
But enough of the history lesson. I agree with #25-CDOYLE...
1. Offer Haiti grants NOT Loans.
2. Eliminate the debate. How much longer should France benefit from the money this poor country sends.
3. Lift the trade embargo. Haiti must be able to sell their items in a free market system once they have provided for themselves.
4. Foreign companies must pay taxes to the country. It happens in America...a business must invest in the community it works in. Why not the same policies for Haiti?
5. Have a leader that has real power to provide a FUNCTION government. Haiti does not need another figure head.
6. Solar power IS the way to go, stop the deforestation.
We need to allow the country to rebuild itself with international assistance in order to see the true beauty Haiti once had.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Earthquake in Ayiti 1/12/2010
In retrospect, the complaining I've been doing about what I supposedly don't have or didn't do is nothing compared to what 80% of the people in Haiti are dealing with. I feel ashamed that I have not consistently remained grateful and upbeat about my environment.
Poverty in the Haiti is no comparison to what we consider poverty in America. People fail to realize that as bad as we want to portray our government, the sitting president and the political games as money hungry, narcissistic, liars (which they can be), we still have it pretty good here.
And when all this humanitarian effort has gone weeks after the initial outpouring of generosity from the international community, Haiti will still be the poorest nation, the size of Maryland with roughly 10 million people in the Western Hemisphere.
And we will all go back to our lives, working, paying bills, and complaining.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A quote...
"To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively concious is to be in a rage almost all of the time."-James A. Baldwin
I cannot begin to express how this quote makes me feel.
I cannot begin to express how this quote makes me feel.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Some articles on parenthood annoy me!
After reading this morning's editorial in the NYT on yelling (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html) I wanted to get into a shouting match with the author!
The gist of the article is in essence that yelling is bad for your children. It demeans, they often block out the "noise" and it erodes their self confidence and ego. Ok, we all heard about how spanking is an absolute no-no in parenting even though most adults I've spoken to, including those writers and researchers admit to being spanked as a child. Did they come out to be mass murderers, violent wife beaters, and other derelicts?
Now I'm being told I can't raise my voice a few octaves to make a point? Anyone who has been around children past the cute, toddler and I only babysit phase understand that certain behaviors elicit a yell every now and then. It wakes them up out of their cocoon of "Oh, I can probably get away with this for long time." Once a child gets in the pre-teen and teen years, they exhibit behaviors that most of the time, you are not happy with. They are not really trying to please you at this point, they're too busy trying to be themselves! So, if my child decides he's not going to brush his teeth in the morning and I find out right when I'm running out the door, what am I to do?
a. In my nice, telephone, at work voice say, "Would you please return to the bathroom and take care of your oral hygiene? (At this point, I will have less than 10 minutes to get to the train station)
b. Pretend I didn't notice and let him offend commuters, teachers and classmates with his breathe?
c. "GET IN THE BATHROOM AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH, NOW!"
Needless to say, I've done c. He's 12 for crying out loud, the soothing voice doesn't work when it's repeated behavior. Time out won't work on this one and did I really destroy his self esteem?
__________________________________________
My opinion is that the "perfect" parent who does everything on even keel and is never ruffled does more damage than good. What would you think if your mom or dad were always stoic beings? Do they have any emotions? And what about those feelings? Parents who keep all those feelings of resentment, anger, frustration have other unhealthy outlets. Smoking pot, using prescription drugs. (You don't know how many of those cute soccer moms are sneaking out smoking or are on anti-depressant medication.) And really, is it healthy to keep all this frustration internalized. Many moms experience ulcers just from stressors at home (kids, husband) and the job (deadlines, bosses).
So what's the solution? I'm not really sure but I do know all this advice makes me want to scream!
The gist of the article is in essence that yelling is bad for your children. It demeans, they often block out the "noise" and it erodes their self confidence and ego. Ok, we all heard about how spanking is an absolute no-no in parenting even though most adults I've spoken to, including those writers and researchers admit to being spanked as a child. Did they come out to be mass murderers, violent wife beaters, and other derelicts?
Now I'm being told I can't raise my voice a few octaves to make a point? Anyone who has been around children past the cute, toddler and I only babysit phase understand that certain behaviors elicit a yell every now and then. It wakes them up out of their cocoon of "Oh, I can probably get away with this for long time." Once a child gets in the pre-teen and teen years, they exhibit behaviors that most of the time, you are not happy with. They are not really trying to please you at this point, they're too busy trying to be themselves! So, if my child decides he's not going to brush his teeth in the morning and I find out right when I'm running out the door, what am I to do?
a. In my nice, telephone, at work voice say, "Would you please return to the bathroom and take care of your oral hygiene? (At this point, I will have less than 10 minutes to get to the train station)
b. Pretend I didn't notice and let him offend commuters, teachers and classmates with his breathe?
c. "GET IN THE BATHROOM AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH, NOW!"
Needless to say, I've done c. He's 12 for crying out loud, the soothing voice doesn't work when it's repeated behavior. Time out won't work on this one and did I really destroy his self esteem?
__________________________________________
My opinion is that the "perfect" parent who does everything on even keel and is never ruffled does more damage than good. What would you think if your mom or dad were always stoic beings? Do they have any emotions? And what about those feelings? Parents who keep all those feelings of resentment, anger, frustration have other unhealthy outlets. Smoking pot, using prescription drugs. (You don't know how many of those cute soccer moms are sneaking out smoking or are on anti-depressant medication.) And really, is it healthy to keep all this frustration internalized. Many moms experience ulcers just from stressors at home (kids, husband) and the job (deadlines, bosses).
So what's the solution? I'm not really sure but I do know all this advice makes me want to scream!
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Silent Illness
I'm finding that many of my friends who are now approaching 30 or already there seem tired and for the most part, depressed.
All of a sudden, a drop in phone calls, weeks go by without a Facebook update and soon you're found wondering, "hey, what happened to so and so?" Depression is what happened.
Most people my age can really identify with depression but refuse or are unable to acknowledge that their experiencing it. Here's a short list taken from WebMD :
Just do a quick survey with your friends. I guarantee that most will have exhibited one or many more of these symptoms. I had someone the other say, "I'm tired. It's been a difficult decade." DECADE?
Economy, family life, work, school all contribute to the stresses of your daily life but if it continues and you find yourself unhappy DAILY, something's wrong. And it's really not our fault. We're surrounded by overachievers, advertisements like, "The world runs on Dunkin", excessive gym rats, and did I mention the overachievers?
People have forgotten what's it's like to do absolutely nothing sometimes. Friends and families working 2, even 3 jobs , 2 or more school aged children EACH with a schedule to follow, full time employees going to graduate school full time, how can one compete with that? It's like you're a utter failure if you're not juggling 3 or 4 plates at a time. And nobody sleeps anymore...not with Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. You're constantly turned on and plugged in with your Android phone, "crack"berry, and iPhone (of which I'm guilty of too).
Sleep is a powerful tool to combat depression. It's been said that the lack of sleep is linked to depression because of an hormonal imbalance. Look it up! So don't feel guilty if you don't want to go out tonight, put the kids to bed early, turn of the tv, phone, computer, berry, iPod and spend 8 hours (or more) getting the sleep you deserve. You'll be happier and your body will thank you for it.
All of a sudden, a drop in phone calls, weeks go by without a Facebook update and soon you're found wondering, "hey, what happened to so and so?" Depression is what happened.
Most people my age can really identify with depression but refuse or are unable to acknowledge that their experiencing it. Here's a short list taken from WebMD :
Depression symptoms:
- difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- fatigue and decreased energy
- feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
- insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
irritability, restlessness - loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex (oh no!)
- overeating or appetite loss
- persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
- persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Just do a quick survey with your friends. I guarantee that most will have exhibited one or many more of these symptoms. I had someone the other say, "I'm tired. It's been a difficult decade." DECADE?
Economy, family life, work, school all contribute to the stresses of your daily life but if it continues and you find yourself unhappy DAILY, something's wrong. And it's really not our fault. We're surrounded by overachievers, advertisements like, "The world runs on Dunkin", excessive gym rats, and did I mention the overachievers?
People have forgotten what's it's like to do absolutely nothing sometimes. Friends and families working 2, even 3 jobs , 2 or more school aged children EACH with a schedule to follow, full time employees going to graduate school full time, how can one compete with that? It's like you're a utter failure if you're not juggling 3 or 4 plates at a time. And nobody sleeps anymore...not with Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. You're constantly turned on and plugged in with your Android phone, "crack"berry, and iPhone (of which I'm guilty of too).
Sleep is a powerful tool to combat depression. It's been said that the lack of sleep is linked to depression because of an hormonal imbalance. Look it up! So don't feel guilty if you don't want to go out tonight, put the kids to bed early, turn of the tv, phone, computer, berry, iPod and spend 8 hours (or more) getting the sleep you deserve. You'll be happier and your body will thank you for it.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Respect, death, and the new generation
I have always considered myself and I've been told by others that I am friendly, approachable and genuinely nice. I believe it, usually. But there are things are slowly chipping away at my demeanor for example, respect (or the lack of).
1. K. West is just a reminder of how people really are around you. His behavior and his actions thereafter remind me of people who do things to hurt your feelings and then apologize when you you express your disapproval. This is not sincere! How different was Mr. West's behavior to Jesse Jackson stated unknowingly into a live mic that Obama was a "uncle Tom" and later apologizes because people reacted. Or what about the recent congressman who called Obama a liar during session? Maybe the several countries who after benefitting from slavery for hundreds of year later issue an apology because...oh yea! It was wrong to to subject an entire generation and progenies later to their willful, abusive treatments. People have forgotten how to behave in public and really at home. We have become a society that enjoys taunting, bullying and teasing other people for kicks and then give a lame apology to excuse our behavior.
2. Death---so many people have died this year including celebs; Kennedy, Jackson, Swayze, Fawcett, etc. Here's my issue: The rush to "get over it". It may not be verbalized but the media has an insane affect on how you deal with your emotions. Psychologically, we are unable to properly grieve.
Day 1. A.M headline "XXX dies today at XX"
Day 1 P.M news about all the accomplishments, failures of said person who passed.
Day 2 A.M headline "Funeral service for XXX to be held on XX"
Day 3-5 (headline may move to page 2-3)
Day 6+ other newsworthy items
So basically, we're given like 5 days to grieve someone we barely know and even our own friends and family. Just look at your bereavement policy of your employer.
3. The new generation-Our kids are walking robots!
My 12 year old had to learn the "Our Lord's Prayer" in Latin at his school and I asked if he knew the prayer in English he said, "No." I asked my mom if she knew the prayer and she said, "Of course, I learned that prayer in elementary school so I know it by heart!" She asks him, "Do you want to learn it?" He says, "no, I'll just get it from the internet." What?
Kids just don't get the value of having someone older around them. There was a time when the youth would ask their grandparents about their lives, their triumphs and struggles. These days, we look to technology for all information. I'm ashamed to say this, but he doesn't even know our mother language. And believe me we've tried to teach it.
Oral traditions are lost...what a travesty.
1. K. West is just a reminder of how people really are around you. His behavior and his actions thereafter remind me of people who do things to hurt your feelings and then apologize when you you express your disapproval. This is not sincere! How different was Mr. West's behavior to Jesse Jackson stated unknowingly into a live mic that Obama was a "uncle Tom" and later apologizes because people reacted. Or what about the recent congressman who called Obama a liar during session? Maybe the several countries who after benefitting from slavery for hundreds of year later issue an apology because...oh yea! It was wrong to to subject an entire generation and progenies later to their willful, abusive treatments. People have forgotten how to behave in public and really at home. We have become a society that enjoys taunting, bullying and teasing other people for kicks and then give a lame apology to excuse our behavior.
2. Death---so many people have died this year including celebs; Kennedy, Jackson, Swayze, Fawcett, etc. Here's my issue: The rush to "get over it". It may not be verbalized but the media has an insane affect on how you deal with your emotions. Psychologically, we are unable to properly grieve.
Day 1. A.M headline "XXX dies today at XX"
Day 1 P.M news about all the accomplishments, failures of said person who passed.
Day 2 A.M headline "Funeral service for XXX to be held on XX"
Day 3-5 (headline may move to page 2-3)
Day 6+ other newsworthy items
So basically, we're given like 5 days to grieve someone we barely know and even our own friends and family. Just look at your bereavement policy of your employer.
3. The new generation-Our kids are walking robots!
My 12 year old had to learn the "Our Lord's Prayer" in Latin at his school and I asked if he knew the prayer in English he said, "No." I asked my mom if she knew the prayer and she said, "Of course, I learned that prayer in elementary school so I know it by heart!" She asks him, "Do you want to learn it?" He says, "no, I'll just get it from the internet." What?
Kids just don't get the value of having someone older around them. There was a time when the youth would ask their grandparents about their lives, their triumphs and struggles. These days, we look to technology for all information. I'm ashamed to say this, but he doesn't even know our mother language. And believe me we've tried to teach it.
Oral traditions are lost...what a travesty.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I didn't know they were going to trade Rajon?
You learn something new everyday...like this boy is good on live camera. Lol!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Are you there God? It's me, a daughter.
I struggle with adulthood. Not because of bills, increased responsibilities, decisions or my son. It's because of my mother. You see, it's quite easy to be a child and watch your parents (or in my case my mom) make the decisions, scold you when necessary and still love her with every fiber of your being. But as you get older and you watch your mother, a woman, a person, behaviors rear their ugly head that you may not like and herein lies the dilemma. What do you do when sometimes, you don't like the woman who is your mother?
Take for example the subject of control. She was always in control when I was younger. She decided what I wore, where I was going on Saturday, if I could talk to my friends all night on the phone. That was her job. Fast forward 20 years later and I'm still dealing with whether I can go out of town or spend all night out because after all, what is my mother going to do while I'm gone or how is she going to get home later? (There is a back to story to this: I moved back to the Boston area after 12 years of being in California, not only to find my mother older (mid 50's), a bit slower, some health issues and taking public transportation.) This is infringing on my freedoms as an adult, isn't it?
What about pettiness? Does it really matter if someone moved your seat in the car or didn't call you to ask if you wanted something at Target? Things get blown out of proportion when stuff isn't done to her liking which leads right back to control.
I've learned alot of things along the way of growing up especially that people can say what they want, it's the reaction that makes a difference. It's safe to say that she always reacts and sometimes I do too. I've also learned that this woman is lonely and maybe old age has made her insecure instead of the vibrant, confident woman I used to look up to. Was it childhood admiration? She enjoys solitude and keeps people at a distance. I can't remember the last time she's spent time with people other than me or her grandson. If there's an event she'd like to go to, I'm the default companion.
My feelings often conflict from flashes of anger to sorrow and guilt. She's my mom and I should be willing to do anything for her and yet she painfully reminds me that I owe her because of the sacrifices she's made for me, so my anger returns.
I need a vacation...from mom.
Take for example the subject of control. She was always in control when I was younger. She decided what I wore, where I was going on Saturday, if I could talk to my friends all night on the phone. That was her job. Fast forward 20 years later and I'm still dealing with whether I can go out of town or spend all night out because after all, what is my mother going to do while I'm gone or how is she going to get home later? (There is a back to story to this: I moved back to the Boston area after 12 years of being in California, not only to find my mother older (mid 50's), a bit slower, some health issues and taking public transportation.) This is infringing on my freedoms as an adult, isn't it?
What about pettiness? Does it really matter if someone moved your seat in the car or didn't call you to ask if you wanted something at Target? Things get blown out of proportion when stuff isn't done to her liking which leads right back to control.
I've learned alot of things along the way of growing up especially that people can say what they want, it's the reaction that makes a difference. It's safe to say that she always reacts and sometimes I do too. I've also learned that this woman is lonely and maybe old age has made her insecure instead of the vibrant, confident woman I used to look up to. Was it childhood admiration? She enjoys solitude and keeps people at a distance. I can't remember the last time she's spent time with people other than me or her grandson. If there's an event she'd like to go to, I'm the default companion.
My feelings often conflict from flashes of anger to sorrow and guilt. She's my mom and I should be willing to do anything for her and yet she painfully reminds me that I owe her because of the sacrifices she's made for me, so my anger returns.
I need a vacation...from mom.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
My impending 12 year old...
When you're with your child, you don't usually notice the slight growth spurts occuring practically overnight unless someone's pointed it out. I am truly shocked at the rate of which my boy is growing.
Last week, at his annual physical, his doctor remarked that he continues to be at the 90th percentile for height and weight. I only weigh 6 pounds more than him and he's 5"5! As his doctor examined him, he asked about his vision. Here's their brief convo:
PCP: "How's your vision? Are you seeing well, like the ball, the blackboard..."
Mr. Smarty-pants says, "I can see that you're trying to look at my private area".
SP continues..."well my eyes sometimes get blurry when I stare at the wall too long."
(Of course we're asking why are you staring at the wall?) He says,
SP: "It's not always the walls but when I'm sort of daydreaming but looking like I'm awake."
PCP and MOM asks: "When do you do that?"
SP: "oh, you know, when my mom or dad are talking and it's taking too long, I ignore them sometimes."
PCP: laughs, and of course I gasp, "what?!"
Unbelievable...I'm just wasting my breathe when I'm speaking because the boy flat out says he zones out! What happened to the doe eyed kid who used to stare up at me because he was interested in what I had to say? I don't know if I should be hurt or chalk this up as one of those growing pains, because let's face it, we all do that every now and then. Ever listen to your boss?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news...
Saturday, we went to the Boston Garden to see the skateboarders on the Dew Tour. It kind of reminded of those days when I hung out the boy, letting him choose events randomly in Oakland or Berkeley that we would attend. He loved the skateboard park, the Oakland Zoo and Fairyland. I also miss going to Pier 39 with him, watching the seals and going to the arcade.
Anyway, we attended this event where most of the skateboarders were valley, Cali types; blond, windswept hair (on purpose!), Burton, Vans, Chuck taylor sneakers (not tennis shoes) and Rashaad totally fit in! It was hilarious to watch this kid flip ramps and collect autographs of pro skaters with everyone else. In the blazing sun, we played games and contests and for a moment I was happy that he was happy, doing something he liked to do. Later when I asked if he had fun, he says, "yea but I should have brought BMX bike instead."
What?!
Whatever...
Last week, at his annual physical, his doctor remarked that he continues to be at the 90th percentile for height and weight. I only weigh 6 pounds more than him and he's 5"5! As his doctor examined him, he asked about his vision. Here's their brief convo:
PCP: "How's your vision? Are you seeing well, like the ball, the blackboard..."
Mr. Smarty-pants says, "I can see that you're trying to look at my private area".
SP continues..."well my eyes sometimes get blurry when I stare at the wall too long."
(Of course we're asking why are you staring at the wall?) He says,
SP: "It's not always the walls but when I'm sort of daydreaming but looking like I'm awake."
PCP and MOM asks: "When do you do that?"
SP: "oh, you know, when my mom or dad are talking and it's taking too long, I ignore them sometimes."
PCP: laughs, and of course I gasp, "what?!"
Unbelievable...I'm just wasting my breathe when I'm speaking because the boy flat out says he zones out! What happened to the doe eyed kid who used to stare up at me because he was interested in what I had to say? I don't know if I should be hurt or chalk this up as one of those growing pains, because let's face it, we all do that every now and then. Ever listen to your boss?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news...
Saturday, we went to the Boston Garden to see the skateboarders on the Dew Tour. It kind of reminded of those days when I hung out the boy, letting him choose events randomly in Oakland or Berkeley that we would attend. He loved the skateboard park, the Oakland Zoo and Fairyland. I also miss going to Pier 39 with him, watching the seals and going to the arcade.
Anyway, we attended this event where most of the skateboarders were valley, Cali types; blond, windswept hair (on purpose!), Burton, Vans, Chuck taylor sneakers (not tennis shoes) and Rashaad totally fit in! It was hilarious to watch this kid flip ramps and collect autographs of pro skaters with everyone else. In the blazing sun, we played games and contests and for a moment I was happy that he was happy, doing something he liked to do. Later when I asked if he had fun, he says, "yea but I should have brought BMX bike instead."
What?!
Whatever...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Intentions
I realized that I enjoy writing commentary. There are millions of thoughts that travel in and out of brain and sometimes you need space to release information!
I'm actually inspired by Kafi Payne of the blogspot: http://familylife-oakland.blogspot.com/ because she speaks to me and the frustrations that occur with family, traveling, and work. SO my intention is to keep up with this blog as much as I do FB and emails (3 accounts!)
Here's to the first entry!
I'm actually inspired by Kafi Payne of the blogspot: http://familylife-oakland.blogspot.com/ because she speaks to me and the frustrations that occur with family, traveling, and work. SO my intention is to keep up with this blog as much as I do FB and emails (3 accounts!)
Here's to the first entry!
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